She was hoping the first woman would be out of the picture and she could finally have me.I felt guilty, loving one but not wanting to hurt the other.Almost seven months after that fateful night in early July, the decision was taken out of my hands. It destroyed me in ways that I will never be able to explain to anyone.The only positive outcome is that it forced me to get really serious with myself and work hard with a good therapist to figure out the reasons why I’d done some of the things I’d done. Even though I’d lost my “true love,” the other woman was still there and waiting.In the spring and early summer of 2008, the first woman and I had talked a lot of marriage.I had some legitimate fears about things in her that I didn’t understand at the time, but I knew I loved her and wanted her.
(I did finally buy an engagement ring for her, which I still have.) I talked to the other one, too.I knew she was going to be hurt, but I had no idea what the night was going to be like.I felt terrible telling her that I was going to marry someone else.He needs her — and wants her — so much that she feels guilty.The first guy is about to move to the other side of the country.